A Brother's Wish
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: Family ain't cheap and neither is a chastity belt.


It was his God or dick given right to let loose every once in awhile, wasn't it? Dave worked damn hard for a living and as such he was a mature guy, doesn't afraid of anything [except for the skank old fart of a landlady who had breathed down his neck since he was old enough to know what the word skank meant; she was also convinced he was running a child prostitution ring and questioned why he didn't get better looking little boys but-] and he'd earned a little fun. Time to let loose and shit long, as goes the saying.

The thing about Dave was once he started he didn't quite know when to stop until he was very much clinging all over his darling little brother. This would be one of those times.

"Baaaaaaaaadou didja know….didja….?" Dave sing-songed, wire-y arms curled around the brat in question as he rubbed a cheek against the tufts of greasy red locks atop the childs' head. Said child merely sat limply in the embrace, the most sour expression on earth, as if the entire population of grapes, lemons and those shitty sour apples were having an orgy.

"Know that you're a limp dick, especially when you're wasted? Yup, _shooooo_ did. La-sha told me when I got up at breakfast an found her in her panties. We're outta milk, by the way." Keep it loose and casual, Nails, that's it. He couldn't let the bastard know how embarrassing it was, how bothersome it was, how his eyebrow was twitching in pure unfiltered rage.

Dave paused mid-rub [the kind only drunken older brothers can dish out, you know what I'm talking about] and loosened his grip a little to slant a curious glance at his little teat of a brother. "Yeah? Whas'it like, seein' a gal in her panties for th'first time not in a tentacle porno? Cause they don't wear em in those." Everybody knows _that._  
Dave actually sniffed, his chapped lower lip wibbling comically at the thought: his precious stanky little brother was growing up and seeing panties. Sooner or later he'd get caught jackin it to brazillian fart porn, get caught with a boy in his room….and finally get the D. Or maybe V if he's lucky. But Dave wasn't a gambling kind of man. Usually. The last time he'd gambled he'd lost the rent money and got his ass reamed by an eight year old so no, he'd declared he'd never gamble with anything other than candy or lube again.

The trail of thought morphed Dave's face into a myriad of expressions, horror being the most prominent.

Badou may have noticed the look on the elder ginger's face but chose to ignore it and pray the dickmuncher would fuck off and go puke and pass out. He continued with his Very Important conviction regardless. "Look, asshole, I've seen plenty of knickers and knockers in my day. Plus tentacle porn is your gig, not mine. Some dumbass doesn't know how to erase his web browser. Old farts these days…"

But Dave wasn't listening. His heart clenched as green eyes took in the sight of his articulate and hilarious and charming [like in a….platypus sort of way. You see it out of the corner of your eye and you go what the everloving cock is that! And then when you find out you go hm, nice flippers] little brother, and godfuck, Dave felt. _Old_. Felt like just yesterday he was messing with the film in Badou's Barney VHS for the hundredth time and bitching over the orange juice the little tit had purposely [no matter HOW MANY TIMES HE PULLED THE FACE, big brother knows] spilled on his crotch.

A calloused hand abruptly rubbed at the crown of Badou's head, interrupting his proclamation. [It involved something about Sharktopus and the tentacle porn in that] Badou swatted at the hand grumpily, lips forming a bullshit rant at the ready, but Something God Awful Dumb never popped out of Dave's mouth. The teeny ginger aimed a quizzical gaze up at Dave, eyebrow slanted in So Not Amusement. _Oh boy._

"What? Is it time to walk you to the shitter so you can cry, puke, an soothe yourself with Courtney's panties, wishin' they were Daniella's?" His voice dropped an octave in mock sultriness. [Unfortunately, the ever common Nails constipated expression was rampant tonight, not to mention the good ol puberty crackling voice pitch] As if the whole three blocks around didn't know about that raging clue.

Instead of a hopeless dumbass, Badou was crushed against a very manly chest with an equally manly squawk to match his brother's. It was muffled due to the chest-ear-rumble ration, not to mention the squeezing; however Badou was pretty sure he hadn't heard that right. There was no fucking way-

"Don't grow up too fast, Bad Boy. Stay pure a lil longer for me, okay? Matter of fact, don't lose your V-card till you're like, twenty seven. I can enlist you in a cool V-club 'n everything! That way you'll learn lots'a shit! Like takin' off panties with your teeth, not gettin' pubes up your nose..."

And so, David [Theophillis] Nails fell into a state of blissful unconsciousness in his precious brother's arms, oblivious to the hysterical shriek that followed.

_"DID YOU JUST FUCKIN CURSE ME WITH VIRGINITY VOODOO?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BROTHER ARE YOU?!"_

_Only the best for his boy._


End file.
